Loss of the Power of Speech

A silent requiem of acceptance.
Words are useless now.
There are choices ahead
to make in full awareness.
Is it okay not to speak?
Never mind, I won't speak.
Just looking is enough.
Looking and tapping.
Tap, tap tapping.
Moving harder. My
hand not hitting so
much as blending
into the rhythm.
Soft touch. Yes.
Because I can't "be"
that. I "am" that.
Nothing more. Nothing more.
Moving my body away from the shore.
Overwhelming sorrow-sickness.
But don't tell anyone.
Let their soul understand.

Whew! Glad to get that off my chest.

trust that

Elizabeth, the woman who gave birth to me, has gotten ALS - amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

Today: Mornings at home are nice. I am composting through utter intuition; making an elixir of soil. Holy. Holy. Getting out of my head. Love. Love. Dance. Dance. Before long, the clock reminds me I need to show up at my workplace. From there, things get swirly in a sea of professionalism though, at least, I am not heaved upon. I want to go into the middle of the room and meditate with the kids. I want to pass around a stick or a basket and talk like that. Really, really...I want to talk like that with my mother, my aunt and my cousins. An intention. Universe, Earth...give me the strength to protect Laura 8 when around my aunt and cousins so I can take my sticks and my baskets and my medicine to my mother, Elizabeth. It's funny...Laura 8 got nurtured by nature so I could do what I want to do now. This is stream-of-consciousness. I'm putting it out there and I am not claiming to be an expert on anything except intuition. Trust thyself.

Showing Up (and more Cali vocab)

More California vocabulary:

vi. to "show up." e.g. "There is no is. There is only shows up." -Nick.
vt. to "experience" a person.

走っているの白馬へ

The monologues of the males in Berkeley
Have nothing on what I've heard is me
I live in a country of masculine energy
Except for the mountains in the Ojai Valley.

They call my name to dance on them
Like Amaterasu did when I lived in Japan.

I walk the earth in a community
It doesn't all have to do with me.
Learning to hear intimately
to Love it all, transcendentally.

And lest I take things personally.
I defer to creativity.
I am a vehicle who knows nothing more
than to unite the living with being born.

Bedtime Reconciliation

There is no room for self-indulgence in care.

Who was I talking to about the childishness of Japanese?
How did that man, my friend, know that to bring me here
to get me over here, was so necessary to help me heal from atrophy?
and take care of my starving animus?

There is no room for self-indulgence in creation.

People show up, yes they do.
And we make a big soup of people.
We put our love and care into
that soup. I want to taste really good.
I want to make a whole new me.
An unpolluted river.

There is no room for self-indulgence in love.

There is a place I know.
Where the river flows
just like the stream between
a woman's legs.

Everything is clear
And waiting for me
To show up and baptize
my self-worth, a new name
Courage and trust
in the waters of that river.

Docking

The truth-being sweet and sour
flesh changing colour from hour to hour
Hold forth the ancient, the new and just-landed
to summon Green Tara on the banks, empty-handed.

Open to enfold, to embrace, to join
Enlightened Activity transforms the forlorn.
Formerly a pilot, an explorer, adrift
comes home to dock, her goddess, her witch.

New Year's Declarations

I declare that I will take good care of myself and the world of which I am a part. I declare to create the possibility of being aware of this relationship moment-by-moment.

I declare that the outcome is a function of the care and attention put into the moment. Nowhere can this show up better than in relationship.

I declare that I am looking for a place where I can bring out my latent childhood experiences and work through them with others engaged in the same healing.

I declare that I will go where I want to go and hang out with people in this amazing energy field where I live.

I declare that I am not a substance abuser.

I declare that I am not any more special than any other organism. I declare that we are a part of the wholeness and its divinity. I declare that divinity is illumination and no effort is required to know this.

I declare that my true nature is free of conflict and problems because I know this to never change because it can't change. No amount of thought can change it.

I declare to be kind and compassionate to expressed thoughts.

I declare to pay attention to tendencies, patterns and habits and stop the abusive ones with the love in the air that I breathe to live.