Don't Turn Around

I don't fully know how I'm gonna psychologically survive this winter and the holidays. I haven't found a cruising altitude yet...not yet in the 25.5 months I've been in California. And I am getting tired. But I must be...yes, I must be learning not to carry the burden of others in whatever form they arrive without them willing to be mutual. I wish to wrap myself in Commes de Garcon-black. And walk around some place like Warzawa or Berlin before the wall came down. Where is it like that now? A place where suffering is elevated to a sense of beauty; not that I want any part of that melodrama - I just want to observe it, like a bridge spans here and there. Walking over a bridge in Eastern Europe; say, Bosnia-Herzegovina would suit me just fine. At night in the cold...wearing my woolen blue coat, hanging in my closet. I have not worn it since the Tokyo winter of 2007.