I had never been gainfully employed in the states until last Fall when I showed up for the new employee orientation. At that point, I had used up all my Japan savings that I brought with me and needed an income.
Background: I left a job in Tokyo that I loved doing with people that I loved working with. Tears were shed when I left. The hours were great and I got two bonuses a year even though I was considered semi full-time and paid by the hour. My supervisor was also my friend. We lived in the same neighborhood in a city of 12 million people. After work, some of us would go out to dinner and maybe to a music bar later. I was able to walk to work which was amazing as most Tokyoites have to deal with some kind of daily commute. It was not a teaching job. I worked around a lot of editors and writers.
More Background: Aside from p/t gigs here and there doing rewriting and some translation, I did alot of teaching in the many years I lived in Tokyo. While not as wonderful as my job in publishing, I was never given any grief even by those with whom I didn't get along. All the teachers stood as as a unified front to make our jobs easier and to give the students an organizational structure that they could rely upon; this attitude was a given. There was respect always, though begrudgingly offered at times. Respect was paramount.
THEN...comes THIS:
First, I have to say that, given a solid support system (upon my return) I would have perhaps dovetailed into something right for me. In fact, I was going to take up modeling for artists and substitute teach when...
I got hired full time! Yay! I was looking for a mentor in the woman who advocated hiring me. Mentor, she was not. From the first day on the job, she expected me to bend over and take it. I would not do so because, frankly, she was too damn pushy and rude. I was not going to submit to her crazy orders but I had no cultural background to deal with someone like this. The year plodded on...someone in administration would reign her in and she would leave me alone for a day or two and then her crazy orders would start up again. It was suggested that I document everything, which I did. Now it is December and I am really stressed out. I try to be polite and professional but I increasingly come to feel isolated and at the hands of someone abusing her authority. It seems everyone is not as unified as what I was used to. My memories start creeping in regarding my employment experience in Japan when I felt appreciated, respected and I could sleep properly. The pain in my heart starts up and my sleep disorder increases to the point where I wake up every night at 2 a.m. and cannot go back to sleep.
In January, I am a wreck. I'm still trying to be nice and professional but my body will not let me go back to sleep and I wake up every morning tired. I wiki "micromanagement" and learn that, aside from her obscene need to gain my ultimate submission, she is most definitely trying to manage "me" in this way. As a teacher! Doesn't make much sense if you ask me. And to add to more situational irony, I was having intermittent, interesting and pleasurable experiences of a certain kind in a long-distance situation (not an ideal situation given my state-of-mind. ) My body finally revolted in late January and I went to see my doctor (using my insurance, damnit!) who told me that if I needed to get through the rest of the year with proper sleep, I should begin taking Ativan (another prescription drug I had never heard of) but it worked and I could get a good night's sleep to face the job the next day.
Well, what is there left to say? The school year ended and my confidence in personal and professional relationships was reduced to a fragility I had never experienced before. Having to maintain rigid boundaries around my co-worker was the only healthy approach in order to keep my dignity intact. It was not a good, healthy relationship. And it was never meant to be from the start. She disrespected me with no reason to do so and abused her position of authority. For example, she berated me in front of the students (something I later found is illegal in a school setting in the U.S.) outright lied, manipulated and spoke to me as though I were her slave. Then, one day she up and told everyone (except me) that she was resigning.
Afterthoughts: to succeed and be happy here - both professionally and personally - I am going to have to stand up for myself when necessary. There is no etiquette that I have found that acts as a cultural overlay. The Japanese have had a long time to put their business etiquette into practice. And I realized that, in Japan, my jobs were my refuge. This year, getting up every morning was full of a dread that I had never experienced in my life. There was no refuge. And there was no refuge in my personal life....SO
My smoking increased to the point of beyond the beyond. (I'm a Non-Smoker now.)
My drinking increased to the point of, "I prefer beer to water." (I'm tapering off...)
And I learnt: substance-abuse is not the antidote to stress.
NO! NO! NO! Standing up for oneself when necessary, appropriate and required is something that will serve one well in this country. I wouldn't recommend challenging authority in the workplace but one has to make their voice heard here and, most likely, it is expected.
Forethought: M.A. in Library Science? - full well knowing that I am assuming American libraries are still quiet places to be (as they were before I left.)
An international-returnee can assume nothing. The longer you're gone, the more difficult it is to assume anything. Again, this experience teaches:
1) gentle situations
2) calm observations
3) receptivity (evaluatory, not indiscriminate..ie, saying YES to everything!)
4) letting go in order to receive
5) stress is inevitable at the beginning
6) and that, if you're like me, you'll find yourself on a journey that puts you in touch with your issues. I am starting to like using that word.
"You are wonderful. Just believing it is all that is necessary." -R.C.
Thanks
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